Coming to terms with Reunions
I’m about to attend and celebrate my high school class of 1982’s 40 th reunion . I’ve attended every one .
I have questioned why? I don’t have many good memories. I couldn’t wait to get out. I mean, counted the days, hours and minutes .
I was as involved as I could be . Which wasn’t a lot. I wasn’t popular in the slightest. So what’s the draw for me? I think I figured it out.
Today we unearthed a box of mine labeled, Nata’s high school stuff. What could be in there? My yearbook but also the yearbooks from all the years I was there. Why did I get all the books, I thought? Keep sorting.. oh my god .. my cap and tassel still wrapped in a pale blue paper. The tassel looked like brand new. (I’m going to make an ornament out of it haha).
In the yearbook as I opened it was a newspaper clipping listing all our names from 1982. An old program from the senior variety show and a program from our commencement. What a mind explosion.
As I leafed through the yearbook pages my feelings went from joy and surprise to an overwhelming sense of, weight, pressure, sadness, loneliness and let’s not forget - anger.
So why in hail holy hell do I want to go to these reunions ? I’m processing all that. Deep breath.
I think since I was limited by extremely strict parental units (my mom, RIP who I still love) I was more of an observer. Getting all the yearbooks and attending all the reunions was is my way of being involved. Especially now that I’m 58 years old and can do whatever I want.
Attending the reunions. People change. And as I get older I fully realize I didn’t know these people and they didn’t know me- really. Hell I didn’t know myself! More, my ‘perception ‘ of who they are were was false. Again, strict mom? Feeling sadness looking through the book is more about where “I” was and what I wasn’t allowed to participate in. Not my classmates. Don’t get me wrong, some were mean mother F*****s. No matter what was going on in their lives is never is an excuse for cruel behavior. Period.
Also, when I look through my college yearbook my feelings are of joy. Contentment. I spent years after college graduation wishing I could go back. I moved back home after so that explains the longing. I was completely free in college.
So why not go? Possibly widen my scope of friendship. Enlarge my circle maybe. We all had a similar experience . We all graduated Deer Park High School. Class of 1982. All 600+ of us. It’s a chance to reconnect. Also to reconfirm if someone’s a total jerk . I did approach someone at our 25th and tell them how they made my life miserable. It felt good ! Hahaha. I was 43 then .. at 58 I have zero issue with saying how I feel and well-There are one or two people I would NEVER be ‘friends’ with. Ever.
On that note. I think I’ve sorted out the why as to why i go. For now…
